Archive | November, 2014

Lost and Late

14 Nov

Today, boys and girls, I want to talk about being late to work. I know that most people have been late to their job and they get written up or get a slap on the wrist, but I can promise you, those people will never feel the anxiety I felt the day I was AT LEAST AN HOUR LATE TO PLAY A FREAKING WEDDING!!

I met this couple who worked very hard to book me for their special day. They came out to multiple shows and when I told them I was unfortunately booked that day, they went to even more shows to persuade me to reschedule and play their wedding.

I finally worked it out with my prior show and we were all set. So the day of the wedding comes and I’m ready to go. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that I like to be SUPER early to each show to avoid stresses like…..I don’t know, not being on time to play!

I get in my car and type in the address to their wedding in my “GARMIN”. For those who don’t know what a Garmin is, it’s a thingamajig that tells you how to get to the location you’re heading without having to use maps or your brain to find the way. You just type in the address and the nice lady in the “GARMIN” tells you when and where to turn until you arrive at your location. Sounds easy enough, right? Unless that nice lady doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

So I’m in my car, driving to the wedding waaayyyy earlier than I’m supposed to be there when I get the distinct feeling that something is wrong. Miss Garmin (I’m assuming she’s single) tells me “turn here”, “turn there” and with every turn, I begin to feel like she is……wait for it…..lost! But I am a man of technology! I love my iPhone, my computer, my iPad. I love technology and I believe in technology! I believe in my Garmin. She would not steer me wrong.

But steer me wrong she did. The location she led me to was an empty field–nowhere near any sign of a wedding or civilization and I know any back-tracking I need to do will cut my arrival time very close. Now remember, this isn’t just being “late for work”. This is late to a WEDDING I’M WORKING! I imagine the family and friends sitting in the church waiting—the bride and groom panicking, because they are supposed to walk down the aisle to a song I’m supposed to be singing. I imagine I’m holding up the day they’ve been planning for their whole lives and I have no IDEA where I am.

Luckily, I did have the bride’s number, so I called her—no answer! And why would she answer? This is HER day. She’s probably in her wedding dress, waiting to get married–not hanging out on her phone, playing Angry Birds or checking her Facebook page. But she is my only contact for the wedding, so I have to keep trying. I start texting her.

“Hey, it’s jeff wood. Could you please call me?

I wait. No answer. So I call again. No answer. So I keep texting.

“Hi, I really need you to call me. It’s an emergency”

I wait. No answer.
Now in full panic mode, I start texting her in all caps, trying to show my desperation.

“I’M LOST AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM!!!! PLEASE CALL ME!!!!”

I’m freaking out, envisioning her soon-to-be husband and the entire wedding party waiting for me to show up—not so they can start the wedding, but instead, lynch me on the spot for being late to the ONE JOB YOU SHOULD NEVER BE LATE TO.

At this point, I’m still driving around aimlessly, hoping for a sign from God or an airplane to crash-land on top of my car when the phone rings.

“Oh hey, Jeff. Sorry I missed your calls and texts.” It’s the bride. She doesn’t sound remotely mad—almost like she’d forgotten that I’m supposed to be there. I explain to her that I’m hopelessly lost and I’m so sorry when she starts laughing.

Apparently (and this is an absolute first for me), the wedding party is eating dinner first, then going to proceed with the wedding. In fact, the bride was not even in her wedding dress yet! She helped me get back on track and sure enough, I showed up and everyone is eating a plate of BBQ. No one is threatening to kill me, everyone is excited to hear me play and the world somehow went back to spinning normal again.
The wedding (which didn’t even happen until an hour and a half AFTER I showed up) was a beautiful event, I had a great time and made some really great friends that night. Most importantly, I didn’t die of the heart attack I thought was going to end my life.

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